Love is an interesting thing. Being a senior (HS) as of writing, my perception of it may be different to the more developed meaning it may have outside of my tiny realm. I have had my run-ins with things such as that, and I have come to a conclusion. Crushes. They are fleeting and a generally beneficial thing to you; they boost your mood, connect you with others, and give you that sweet sweet Oxytocin. In the stage of life I come from, it may seem to be that way, but I no longer believe that to be the truth, in fact, I believe quite the opposite. Crushes, particularly, are something that I have come to loathe. I think they ARE those afformentioned things, but I also think they come with many downsides and problems.

From what I have witnessed, Crushes are the main gateway to drama. The stage of life I live amplifies such a concept. Everyone is intrested in the who's whos and who likes who. That is a constant topic in conversation. So inevitably, when one makes a mistake or decides that it is time to let thier feelings be known, someone knows. That once secret, is now the talk of the town. In making the first step toward their goal, that person complecates things. That complecation will now follow them throuout the rest of thier attempt to gain the affection of the one they like.

Gain the affection is an intresting thing in itself, and it is also a shot in the foot. Crushes always start as one sided, therefore you have to basically persuade the other person; gain their affection. Balance is an important thing; if one side loves more than the other, the relationship colapses on itself.

One thing I have seen is the act of shooting your shot being overcomplecated. So, the person being asked out says no, that is fine. A thing I have personally experienced is that person giving a "maybe". This can even occur after you are rejected. People tend to not know what they want at this point, that I have come to know. When they do not, things become complex very quickly. So, in my case, my feelings came back because they were reciprocated, just a tiny bit. When that occured, I had leaned very far into it, so far that I had not noticed I had, essentially, been being played. When I realized and decided to make those feelings known, things were not addressed properly, and I was not understood as I had intended to be, which likely was the cause of no change occuring. Same flirts occured, no clarity was given on our still pending relationship status, I, still trapped in the web, out of fear that I may become the bad guy.